iDALEK
.: disorientation :.
« Thu 31 Dec 2009 10:36:49 PM »

START TRANSMISSION
5 PACKETS QUEUED
ENCRYPTION M1K3T0M


1.0 MAINTENANCE
D-Unit has to report that internal guidance systems went offline as of 18:00 earth time yesterday. The unexplained outage has caused D-Unit to become lost and confused, hardly a dignified state for a member of the superior race. It appears that some internal systems are not completely compatible with Earth AC current, or may have low tolerances of it. I wish to assure Dalek High Command that my AC "habit" is under control and I am seeking substitutes that are less harmful - the DC "patch" was less satisfactory than expected and short term solution of lead-acid storage cells seem to take the edge of the cravings but, when I go without, my primary manipulator appears to tremble and my depth perception, limited how it is to monocular view, renders me unable to avoid small low objects. In related systems failures, levitation units appear to be malfunctioning leaving me unable to negotiate human-engineered graduated inclines, which they call “stairs”. Maintenance systems are on call to rectify these temporary inconveniences. Most other monitored systems appear to be working within normal parameters.

2.0 ORBITAL NETWORK
We have discovered a global network of geostationary artificial satellites that may prove useful in the coming invasion; these puny earthlings may not as backward as they first appear [they could not be]. Rather than using the majority of these satellites to monitor and control their populations, they trivialise them as triangulation points for navigation systems in a system knows as "GSP". Some geographically challenged earthlings carry devices in their vehicles that communicate to these satellites and point the way to their destination using a pictorial representation of their surroundings. It appears these devices can be programmed to respond and reinforce using a variety of earthling voices, and that some of these voices are easier to understand than others. It may be possible for Dalek systems to be integrated with these satellite navigation systems but a drawback would seem to be that earthlings need to remember to turn them on before using them.

3.0 FAMILIAL OBSERVATION
Suburban infiltration has proceeded as planned, with three remote units gathering data on the living patterns of host humans. Amazingly, the host humans have yet to detect the nocturnal examination of their habitation spaces. It has been a whole solar revolution since "Gazza" has been ensconced amongst the O'Boogie and his findings are alarming, confusing and still being compiled. What initially looked like interstellar transmission and monitoring from the "Stargate", "Battlestar" and from an agent called "Buffy", it would appear this is telemetric data only, and is transmitted from a source yet to be determined - surely an important communication point yet to be assessed but often referred to by the name "Tee-Vee". Monitoring this data stream is confusing, as it appears that information is being delivered digitally and duplicate information is being broadcast using modulated analogue signals as well. Why such duplication should be necessary, or why so much bandwidth is allocated to data that originated in a place called "United States" has yet to be determined, as has the full extent of these states - which appear to take in landmasses across the globe, albeit informally.

4.0 SPECIATION
Humans were initially thought to be comprised of a single species - this may in fact be an incorrect assumption. Humans appear to subdivide themselves into sub-groups based on nearly every conceivable imagined difference - ethnicity, music preference, food intolerance and occupation. A growing tribe, one Dalek High Council would be well to either contact or exterminate first would be those humans that call themselves "Celebrity Chefs". Members of this tribe take seemingly non-food items and manufacture food offerings that are in great demand. This is contrary to good sense as the prices charged are not reflected in the ingredients, effort expended to concoct the mixture nor the nutritional value. A lower sub-species of humans seemingly exist to do little else but consume great quantities of food, most from food preparers who wish to be revered, yet whinge about its preparation, presentation and taste whilst other humans look on, waiting for the words of wisdom these bloated individuals utter in-between mouthfuls. We are compiling a list, priority exterminations should be heralded as a popular move by the masses if orchestrated well and so long as the Tee-Vee coverage is thorough and workshopped with a panel afterwards. Nutrient distribution amongst humans is far from even - most goes to few while the majority get less - This imbalance would not have happened if superior beings were in charge.

5.0 SONIC VARIANCE
Rhythmic vibrations, called music, appear to be important to some humans. We are currently monitoring a number of different sources of this sonic vibration. It would appear that younger humans require higher volumes than older specimens. This seems puzzling, as younger humans have keen auditory sensors, compared with older humans who often respond with "turn that down". We are detecting measurable degradation of auditory processing centres for most humans under the age of 17. Humans are equipped with an external auditory meatus on each side of their head meaning they perceive their surroundings in directional stereo. Another "two" of something - 2 visual receptors, 2 auditory sensors ... are we convinced that the monaural, monooptic sensor array that all dalek units are equipped with could not do with some more redundancy? This is not to be seen as a criticism, I accept that we have superior design, intellect and do not waste neural energy coming to terms with a "wikkid beat" or a "haunting lyric" but it seems music is a powerful force that we could well exploit when considering strategies to enslave the young humans - subliminal experiments already conducted have proved hugely successful, no one yet suspects that the "Wiggles" are merely a puppet for youth manipulation, nor have the subliminal back masked messages in their most popular songs been detected. May history eventually forgive the Dalek race for the genocidal horror that is encoded within "Wake up Jeff".

EOT
5 PACKETS TRANSMITTED

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